Haven't quite known how to proceed with this new project of mine, this exploration into how Zen and Christianity exists within this little frame. I don't even know if this project has any purpose or direction other than to just be. It all feels very familiar, simply knowing this is the "next thing to do"....... (a feeling of absolute certainty, which in the past, propelled me into doing things like walking the Appalachian Trail back in 2008 or the El Camino de Santiago in 2010). Don't know why I am being pushed/pulled/called to and/or enticed into this activity - but am trusting it will be quite the adventure/teacher.
I met with a small group of persons (4) via skype yesterday. These folks are also interested in the intersection of Zen (Buddhism?) and Christianity. We come from different countries, different backgrounds and different spiritual histories. During our first meeting we shared our reasons for agreeing to participate in this 2 year process, and in so doing, shared a bit of our "spiritual" backgrounds. At the end of our conversation, I found myself suggesting we start our next meeting with examining what "God", or the word "God", means to each of us, (and was very surprised at the earnestness of this request of mine - "What IS God?"). After we hung up, I realized I have not asked myself this question even once in the past 45 years. Why haven't I? What is this thing/process that is referred to in shorthand, by me, "God"? And more interestingly, (for me), the question arises, "What is this cutoff portion of myself which is connected to this word/concept God?
When I opened last night to this not knowing, I immediately remembered three movies which had tremendous impact on me as a child.
One of these was the film adaptation of Herman Melville's Billy Budd
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1002407-billy_budd/
A second equally important film for me was as adaptation of
Kathryn Hulme's The Nun's Story
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_nuns_story/
The third was The film adaptation of William Barrett's
Lilies of the Field
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1012370-lilies_of_the_field/
Why these three films? I have watched a lifetime of movies, and have forgotten most of them. Yet these three movies spoke/speak to me in a way that is visceral still when I think of them. There are scenes in each that are as vivid in my mind's eye as they were when I saw them more than 50 years ago. ...(WOW! 50 - really? .....OMG - I really am getting old! :D ) Anyway, I downloaded them last night and over the next few days I intend to watch them and see what happens, if anything. I want to see what appealed to me as a child, and I want to see if that appeal is still true for me now at 65 years of age.
I will let you know what happens.
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